Musing on Atheist Ministers

ABC News: "Atheist Ministers Struggle With Leading the Faithful"

This article is about two anonymous Southern Baptist pastors who've become atheists yet continue their profession. That is, they've lost their faith while continuing to spiritually shepherd their flocks. This is tragic of course, but I'm not at all surprised. As an aspiring pastor myself, this article serves as a confirmation on a number of fronts.

During my time at two evangelical colleges I ran into numerous Bible, pastoral, and cross-cultural (missions) majors whose unbalanced pietism worried me. It was so overt that they absolutely refused to think about anything complex lest they lose sight of "the simplicity of the Gospel." Much like those from my Pentecostal background, they would dismiss, downplay, and denigrate the life of the mind as innately contrary to true faith. They accused me of being a heretic, placing "head knowledge" above "heart knowledge," failing to have a relationship with Jesus, and leading people away from the faith. Why? Because I openly questioned everything from God's mere existence to the doctrine of the Trinity. I always thought, 'Someday their faith is going to come against something that it cannot withstand, whether it's an evil elder board, a parent who is murdered, a spouse who slowly dies of cancer, a child who is born mentally challenged, the simple ebbs and flows of one's spiritual life, or the day they wake up, crack open the Bible, and finally have to admit that it pisses them off that it's so weird.' It concerned me because these dudes were so obviously ill prepared to cope with doubt and problems; the very essence of their faith insulated them against these things until it was too late. I always thought some would fall away from the faith in no small part because they'd failed to ever wrestle through their faith. They'd confused having a child-like faith (trust) with having a childish faith (immature), and it didn't bode well for their future ministry.

I hadn't considered the possibility that such persons would simply keep truckin' along, though. But it makes sense. I imagine that one of the few things harder than finding a secular job after losing your pulpit is finding a job after renouncing your pulpit. Psychologically, it's almost the entire source the pastor's identity. Professionally, the pastor is giving up everything--education, professional experience, recommendations, etc. In the same way that it might actually be easier for a homosexual person coming from a conservative family background to hide his or her sexual orientation, so it's not hard to imagine an atheist keeping up the appearance of being a devout pastor, especially if one feels he or she is still helping people in some tangible capacity. Besides, if you don't believe in God, it's not like you're offending some divine being by faking it. Far from being mad at these men, my heart goes out to them.

My own passion is to help struggling people work out their faith with fear and trembling as part of a holistic worshiping lifestyle. In other words, I sense that my calling is to be a clergy-writer who authors books and plants a church aimed at reaching those non-Christians who struggle to accept Jesus primarily for reasons of intellectual honesty and sincere Christians who struggle with angst, doubt, wounds, and unanswered questions. I want to be the pastoral equivalent of Philip Yancey, if you will. In my experience, Christians who are struggling and atheists who reject religion need pastors who've been there. They don't want apologetics or piety, canned answers or feel good clichés. They want someone who says, "Thanks for being honest. I empathize. Let's talk." If an atheist pastor is the most disingenuous thing possible, then surely the most authentic thing would be the pastor who has spent much time staring down the barrel of doubt yet retained his/her faith.